How to Watch Our Show

To watch Season 1 of our show, subscribe to Netflix.

To watch Season 2 of our show, subscribe to Paramount+.

To watch Season 3 of our show, subscribe to Double Secret Paramount+.

To watch Season 4 of our show, subscribe to the belief that time is merely a construct, so who among us can ever really say “when” a new season of a television show will be available for viewing or “what” streaming platform you’ll need access to in order to watch it?

To watch Season 5 of our show, rekindle your relationship with your estranged second cousin Francine. Explain to her that you didn’t mean all those hurtful things you said at Uncle Mike’s funeral—you were just having a hard time processing your emotions, and you ended up taking that out on her. Start calling her roughly once a week and meeting her for coffee roughly once a month. Once it appears that she has forgiven you and accepted you back into her life, casually ask if she still has a Peacock account and if she’d mind sharing the login.

To watch Season 6 of our show, head to the Best Buy on North Michigan Road in Carmel, Indiana, where you can see it playing in its entirety on an endless loop on the Samsung Smart TVs that are on display toward the back of the store, near the printers.

To watch Season 7 of our show, pinky promise that you’ll like it?

To watch Season 8 of our show, rendezvous with a man known only as the Scarlet Ox, in the basement of the abandoned steel mill. Provide him with twenty-five pieces of unalloyed silver—he will know if it’s alloyed, so don’t even bother trying—and follow him to a second location that we cannot reveal here. Once there, he will direct you to a desk upon which sits a 2003 Dell Inspiron laptop that you can log into by entering the show’s tag line. If successful, you will then be able to watch an illegally downloaded version of Season 8 with Norwegian subtitles, on Kazaa.

To watch Season 9 of our show, explain why you feel entitled to have so much access to so much entertainment and why this access has been a net good for society at large.

To watch Season 10 of our show, draft a compelling character arc for our lead actor that will make him reconsider his threat to leave the series to star in the latest installment of the Green Hornet franchise. We will try to get you a producer credit for it.

To watch Season 11 of our show, tune in to NBC Tuesday nights at 8:30! And if you miss an episode because you’re unable to be in front of a television on that precise day at that precise time, well, too bad. Just get a decent recap from Joe in accounting on Wednesday morning and live with the knowledge that you will only truly know what took place if you happen to stumble across a rerun somewhere down the line, thereby experiencing a level of serendipitous joy that is no longer possible in a world in which all content must be available on demand.

To watch Season 12 of our show, just log back into your Netflix account. It will be there as soon as we finish making it, which should take about as long as it takes you to forget everything that happened in the prior eleven seasons, rendering the plot totally nonsensical. ♦