My best friend accused me of having an affair with a married man

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 45 years and I are 65. She has been married since 1985; I have been divorced for many years. She recently shocked me by claiming that a mutual friend told her I have been having an affair with a married acquaintance! This is false, but I now wonder whether she said it because she suspects it herself. 

When I got angry and said I would confront the other friend, she demanded that I not do so because it would “make her look bad for telling.” Could my suspicion be correct? If the other person was the one who actually suspected me, why wouldn’t she want me to question her? — PUZZLED LADY OUT WEST

DEAR PUZZLED LADY: Not knowing your best friend of 45 years, I am not in a position to answer that question. However, the surest way to get to the bottom of this would be to go directly to the person your BFF said told her and ask where she got such an idea.

DEAR ABBY: For holidays and special occasions, we usually have eight people at a six-place dining room table. Two of our guests are “orphans” who were invited by my better half. The problem is, the man, “George,” is a chain-smoker, and I almost always get a splitting headache in his presence. 

I can hold my breath for the 10 seconds or so when George and I hug hello, but what do you suggest I say or do at the dinner table? I will be at the farthest end possible, but I’ll still be just a few feet away from the problem. Uninviting them is not an option. — SMOKED OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SMOKED OUT: Lucky you. You live in California, where it’s possible to open windows and get cross-ventilation. Because it isn’t possible to uninvite these guests, give your dining room as much fresh air as possible and insist that if your guests “must” smoke, they do it outside and far from the open windows.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is getting married in a few weeks and is insisting I sit with her father at the ceremony. Abby, we have been divorced for 20 years. I have been remarried for 12 years. Her father has not remarried. 

My husband has not tried to replace her father, and I think it’s rude that he would be expected to sit with the guests instead of with me, his wife. I was forced to do this at my other daughter’s wedding a few months ago, and it was very uncomfortable. I want to look forward to my daughter’s day. What is your take on this? — MUSICAL CHAIRS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MUSICAL CHAIRS: You shouldn’t have agreed to that seating arrangement at your other daughter’s wedding, and you shouldn’t do it at this one. Your husband belongs next to you. If you and your ex are friendly, your ex could sit on the opposite side of you from your husband. If you’re not, he could sit at the end of the row on the aisle. But your husband should not be forced to sit “with the other guests” because he is more than a guest; he is a family member. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.