Long Island woman overcame fear of death by becoming a funeral director

A woman became a funeral director to overcome her fear of dying and says death has taught her to stop comparing herself to others.

Melissa Schmidt, 34, used to get “tunnel vision” at the idea of dying but after a member of her community died tragically she felt a calling to go into the industry.

She started to find death “fascinating” and “intriguing” and went to mortuary school – where she learned everything from funeral history, anatomy to embalming.

Now she spends her days planning funerals, embalming and preparing bodies, as well as cleaning and organizing.

She “loves” her job and says it has taught her to stop comparing herself to others.

Schmidt, from Long Island, New York, said: “I used to get tunnel vision and black out and the anxiety went all in.

“Death — it’s fascinating, it’s intriguing, it’s the unknown — it’s scary.

“I’m seeing it over and over again. It’s gotten me over my fear of death. 

“All things come to an end.

“It’s not something to be scared of.

“When I’m with a descendant it’s behind closed doors — the family is relying on me.

“It’s not a wedding — you can’t do it again.”

Schmidt had her eyes opened after experiencing a death in her community.

She combatted her fear and set her sights on going to mortuary school. 

Now, Schmidt takes on many tasks in her role as a funeral director — but particularly enjoys the cosmetic side.

She takes care to apply make-up on the bodies at the families’ requests and to reflect how the person looked in life.

She said: “It’s my forte.

“It’s such an honor to take care of people.

“It’s an honor they are entrusting me to take care of their mom or dad for the last time.

“It’s rewarding to be able to do that for people.

“When I meet the families it’s like reading a book.”

Schmidt’s involvement in death has given her a new perspective on her own life.

She said: “It’s had a huge effect.

“It’s accepting that everybody dies.

“It’s knowing it could happen.

“Life is this journey.

“Death will teach you so much about your own life.

“Stop comparing yourself to others.

“At the end of the day when on your deathbed it doesn’t really matter.”

Schmidt feels it is also positive that more women have entered the industry since she first started.

She said: “When I graduated in 2012 it wasn’t female heavy.

“Now mortuary schools are filled with females.

“People don’t realize how much work goes into a funeral.

“We do take a very emotional toll.

“It can be consuming at times.”

Schmidt wants death to be talked about more — and encourages people to talk about their plans with friends and family.

She said: “Death is so normal but it’s so oddly secretive.

“Get that real conversation going.

“Death doesn’t have to be scary.”