Stream It Or Skip It?

Scrooge McDuck got another billion bucks shoveled into his money bin thanks to Moana 2 (now streaming on VOD services like Amazon Prime Video), so what can Disney say except, you know, “thank you.” Whether we should be grateful for the inevitable franchisezation of 2016’s wonderful new classic Moana is the question, though. Two things that made the first film great aren’t present for the sequel – Lin-Manuel Miranda isn’t writing the songs this time, and Disney-stable directors John Musker and Ron Clements (who helmed, among other films, Aladdin and 1989’s The Little Mermaid) have been replaced with first-timers David Derrick Jr., Jason Hand and Dana Ledoux Miller. The Mouse House’s original conceit was to make this a Disney+ series, but morphing it into a feature paid off nicely as moviegoers the world over flocked to theaters to reward the studio handsomely for revisiting the story of a beloved character. Or should that be “regurgitating”? 

MOANA 2: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Now that Moana (Auli’i Cravalho) is a Chosen One, she’s gotta do Chosen One stuff. Back on her home island of Motunui, she’s a wayfinder of legend, her adventures documented in pictographs. She lives up to her duties by loading her pets, pig Pua and rooster Heihei, on her boat and exploring other islands for signs of human life. Her clan can’t be alone on this planet, right? She finds a clue in a piece of pottery, and returns to her father (Temuera Morrison), mother (Nicole Scherzinger) and kid sister (Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda) with the good news, singing a song that rhymes “horizon” with “island,” which, you know, close enough, I guess. 

Smack in the middle of a ceremony held in her honor, Moana is zapped by lightning and has a vision: Her ancestor Tautai (Gerald Ramsey) appears and dishes a bit of history about how a vengeful god named Nalo sunk the island that united all the ocean peoples, and if that island isn’t hauled back to the surface, the Motunui folk will die out. And so the die is cast – Moana must trek farther asea than ever before, braving a perpetual storm Nalo has long nurtured so she can raise the island. Hmm. Does she know anyone who can pull an island from the sea? I wonder. An eight-year-old earworm tells me she does. Damn you, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and your catchy, catchy tunes!

Speaking of that someone. We quickly drop in on the shapeshifting demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson), who just so happens to have an old beef with Nalo – and also just so happens to need a bit of help, having been ensnared by one of Nalo’s allies. Meanwhile, Moana realizes she can’t tackle this quest with just a cute pig and brainless rooster by her side, so she recruits a crew: Grouchy old coot Kele (David Fane) will maintain plants for food during the trip, artist and historian (and Maui superfan) Moni (Hualalai Chung) will help steer the new craft that whip-smart engineer Loto (Rose Matafeo) designed and will maintain. Each contributes their own brand of comic relief to contrast Moana’s plucky-as-all-get-out sincerity. Gotta love her, but that pep needs a little dilution here and there.

So off they go, a comet guiding their way, a good luck charm from li’l sis in Moana’s locket, with the living ocean – whose tentacles look like a big weird semi-transparent tongue emerging from the water – on their side the whole time, at least until they reach uncharted waters. What awaits them? Well. Not to give too much away, but Maui’s an inevitability. And maybe the goofy little coconut creatures, the Kakamora. Possibly a powerful Nalo-allied lady who controls bats. But definitely peril. Peril with a capital P. It’s everywhere out there. Can’t avoid it, really. Gotta have stakes!

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: It definitely brings the first Moana to mind – a bit too much maybe. Kinda makes you hope Disney leaves the wonderful Encanto as a one-and-done. But that’s not their M.O., is it, especially when there’s billions-with-a-B to be raked in?

Performance Worth Watching Hearing: Cravalho’s upbeat energy and Johnson’s arched-eyebrow wiseacre braggadocio proves to be a winning combination – again. 

Memorable Dialogue: Maui drops an anachronism – and proves he exists outside of time?

Moana: The ancestors wouldn’t have called if we couldn’t do this.

Maui: Unless it was a butt dial. That’ll make sense in 2,000 years.

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: Moana is a lovely, lovely movie, and it’s well on its way to being an enduring Disney classic. So why would the sequel tinker too much with a winning formula? Here’s why: to avoid coming off uninspired. Moana 2 is likable, diverting and reasonably entertaining, but derivative. Oh, and weirdly preoccupied with mucus. You got your clam excretions, your mudskipper drool and your blobfish snot, which, amusingly, is used as a paralyzing agent, while the blecch oozing from the other end is the antidote. There’s enough alluvial discharge in Moana 2 for a dozen movies. Thank the gawds this thing is animated.

And so the movie slips and slides quickly – 99 minutes, including credits – down its slime trail, into and out of a giant clam’s gullet (no, really, that’s literally what Moana and co. find themselves doing), drafting on the first film’s creative successes. The bones of the plot are remarkably similar, and thematically, its call for unity is a familiar conch-honk trumpeting for cultural collectivism. The story ultimately doesn’t live up to the film’s visual grandeur; the animation is gorgeous, the characters, creatures and settings rendered with depth, color and admirable creativity. Musically, the generisongs here lean toward washy sentiments – ranging from “Nothing could be better than this!” to “What lies beyond?” and “We’re back!” – and the certainty of the Maui/Johnson house-bringer-downer can’t possibly live up to the ultra-stickiness of “You’re Welcome,” so why bother to try? And despite not actively disliking Moana 2, I was consistently nagged by a similar thought applied to the movie as a whole. 

Our Call: Moana 2 inspires passable acceptance tinged slightly with disappointment. I wouldn’t steer anyone away from the movie, but it’d be wise to keep expectations in check. STREAM IT.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.